This past year

I sent this to my group of Godav wingmates, most of whom I remember as being uncomplicated, rather happy people with the odd unique personality thrown in the mix.


I had up until last year been heads-down in work, trying to make this lottery that is this small company life turn probability on its head. At some point last year, I stopped running and since then I have enjoyed doing this and that, finally finding my way to Austin, Texas where I live now. I still work for the same company and still like my work, but am looking forward to coming back to India and family.

Yes, family for me primarily expands to parents only, unlike many of you! I am hoping to change that at some point.

Life outside of work has been pleasant for a little while now. Art as a form of expression made a startling appearance one evening and it constantly threatens to pay me a visit and does so unannounced every now and then. Carnatic music as an art form made a sudden connection with my mental self earlier this year and since then many an evening has been spent in aural joy. Chess as a pastime relegated to dusty shelves is under the attention spotlight now. Book reading has reborn. I try to volunteer my time  - one of the organizations, for which I help raise funds, is called Vibha, based in India, focused on children; and the other is a home for abused children near my place.

Not to give the impression that I have become super happy as a person, almost every day sees the same thoughts of wonder at what lies ahead, same bouts of insecurity and anxiety, the duel with status quo, the consequent realization of my foibles, the painful acceptance of it, the calmness that follows from letting go, only to rise up the next day with amnesia and an implicit denial.

I shouldn't have ended my mail on that negative note, since I am not unhappy right now. At this very moment in fact, having just returned from a fabulous carnatic music concert, I feel truly fortunate at the entry that kalaarasanai made into my life so late in the game. I can see that my being frank in the email was partly to test the waters and see where others stood in their lives. Is being married for long (like one of the friends in that group is) seen him at a different state? I can see that a fresh marriage has not yet allowed couple of the others to settle into their mental equilibrium.