Stop running and listen

I have run all my life. Prodded by the need for societal acceptance and recognition, I have run all my life.  Running is a lifestyle choice not a hobby or even a day job, since once I start running and get ahead of a few, it is an abominable thought to slow down to let those few get ahead of me or even catch up. My mind, my ego doesnt allow it, even though the legs and body and a balding head are pleading with me to stop. Being ahead of the competition only implies more running.

You have to keep running to stay in the same place, said the Red Queen.

All this running has meant little time to stop and listen. Listen to my own breath, listen to the sound of emptiness around (that dull high frequency pitch that grows in magnitude the more I meditate, the buzz of a closely orbiting  fly drowning it in a dopplerian manner).

In truth, it is very very difficult to stop since after all these years of existence, running has become second nature to me. The engrossing nature of the task done with single-minded devotion, the thrill of victory, the basking under social recognition, the challenge looking ahead to the next run (and many times, a sprint), the discovery of "abilities" that make socially stand out, the consequent egoistic internal gloating all define this state of running. Each run is like crack to the ego, addictive, calling it to itself repeatedly, rearing its head repeatedly in the tumultuous ocean that is the mind like a school of sharks aggressively waiting for the marooned sailor, the consciousness, to slip up.

The shark analogy is dramatic, yes, but it does make a comparison I have come to view as valid in these last few months - the more I give in to the temptations of the ego, the less control I have on emotions, the more I suffer. It is as though each bite the shark takes leaves the sailor that much weaker to be able to stand his ground when the next attack comes by. And, the attacks are relentless and happen at a very fast pace, much faster than "the wind", consulting Yudhistra.

When the racers I have left behind or run abreast with get ahead of me, the classic hallmarks of the ego within show through - jealousy, a desire for their current state, a renewed vow to run even faster, churn in the mental ocean, a sourness and an edge in the interactions with the racers. Placed in context of how most racers we see as taking part in the competition of life are from one's own circle of friends, family and acquaintances, these negative traits affect relationships profoundly. For starters, it promotes and provokes the exact same behaviour on their part. And this vicious race continues on and on until ... .

Stop running and listen to my breath. Stop running and listen to art. Art produced by the masters, be it music or photos or painting, has a remarkable quality of transporting to worlds making one pause without even realizing it. If you come by such an inspiring moment, like I have been lucky to in these past few months, stop running and wander.

Till now, the realization of the existence of this race alone hasnt sufficed to put an end to this. Something else is required and I am trying to find out what.